A tree. The filtering light. The mood. The sepia. The poetry.
Reminiscence.
I miss him always.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Love Notes
Human love is reciprocal.
An AMiCUS sister supplied that last sentence to my long litany of rediscovering my own adventism. How awfully right was her synthesis and how shamefully presumptuous I had been!
Just like others with memorable stories of conversion, I started with unstoppable enthusiasm in the faith. I could not bring my Bible down, I kept a journal of daily miracles, I treated both friends and strangers with the thought that Christ died for them, I counted days until the Sabbath, I was excited for the Midweeks and Vespers, and I jotted down verses pertaining to precious promises. The last one I had to end the soonest I realized I was practically rewriting the whole Bible!
And then it happened.
Even before I immersed myself into baptism, close friends were quick to warn me not to look unto people but only unto God. It came as an empty, baseless counsel. Church people are the kindest I know! Compared to the rest, their characters are much converting! Seven years later, I came to see what they worried about.
The AMiCUS provided me a paradise. I look up to its roster of alumni of burning faith, blessing wisdom and bonded friendship. I enjoyed being their baby, which I had to relinquish for a big-sister figure upon my crossover to real church membership.
I knew sisters and brothers. I assumed leadership positions. I carried with me the fervor and excitement. But then, in time, I saw, heard and felt to my bewilderment. And I can hardly be exempt from their scrutiny and opinions. And it came to a point of exhaustion. Primarily, I felt alone and friendless.
Then, I missed how I was. Relational frictions paled my fire. I banked too much on companionship, which is not entirely faulty. After all, John 13:35 states of our love for each other as a testimony of our discipleship. But I went past the edge as to allowing it come between me and my God!
The only love constant is that of God. I am silenced by His meek abiding. I busied myself tending His flock, poured my attention to His sheep, then unfairly expected them to return the affection. I operated on that linear, narrow-minded and worldly calculation.
I am now in my next crossover – relying not on the limits of human favor and resting fully on the breadth of God’s love. They now appeal to me as beyond cliché.
08/05/2009
while taking a break from hard work ;)
An AMiCUS sister supplied that last sentence to my long litany of rediscovering my own adventism. How awfully right was her synthesis and how shamefully presumptuous I had been!
Just like others with memorable stories of conversion, I started with unstoppable enthusiasm in the faith. I could not bring my Bible down, I kept a journal of daily miracles, I treated both friends and strangers with the thought that Christ died for them, I counted days until the Sabbath, I was excited for the Midweeks and Vespers, and I jotted down verses pertaining to precious promises. The last one I had to end the soonest I realized I was practically rewriting the whole Bible!
And then it happened.
Even before I immersed myself into baptism, close friends were quick to warn me not to look unto people but only unto God. It came as an empty, baseless counsel. Church people are the kindest I know! Compared to the rest, their characters are much converting! Seven years later, I came to see what they worried about.
The AMiCUS provided me a paradise. I look up to its roster of alumni of burning faith, blessing wisdom and bonded friendship. I enjoyed being their baby, which I had to relinquish for a big-sister figure upon my crossover to real church membership.
I knew sisters and brothers. I assumed leadership positions. I carried with me the fervor and excitement. But then, in time, I saw, heard and felt to my bewilderment. And I can hardly be exempt from their scrutiny and opinions. And it came to a point of exhaustion. Primarily, I felt alone and friendless.
Then, I missed how I was. Relational frictions paled my fire. I banked too much on companionship, which is not entirely faulty. After all, John 13:35 states of our love for each other as a testimony of our discipleship. But I went past the edge as to allowing it come between me and my God!
The only love constant is that of God. I am silenced by His meek abiding. I busied myself tending His flock, poured my attention to His sheep, then unfairly expected them to return the affection. I operated on that linear, narrow-minded and worldly calculation.
I am now in my next crossover – relying not on the limits of human favor and resting fully on the breadth of God’s love. They now appeal to me as beyond cliché.
08/05/2009
while taking a break from hard work ;)
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