Marriage Thoughts

Someone needed the survey for a daily's weekend issue. I obliged and got curious how he would answer. Marriage is too big a concept to squeeze in a few sentences. Yet this is that sincere attempt.


What is your idea of marriage? And what was the reason for getting married or planning to marry?

Ariel: I see it as bonding with someone forever, a partnership to live and thrive in this world, someone to love and to share the creation of God with, someone I can do things for and a partner with whom I can have the ultimate union that can only be shared with one person. To become one with her. I can't speak for others, but my reason for getting married is to honor God and the institution as He created it. To shed light in a world where there are hardly normal marriages. Someone to help me live in this world and help me get to God's kingdom, and also to share that union I can only share with one person. So in short, my idea of marriage is a place where love is core and the reason for planning it and getting married is to honor God in front of all.

Kristine: Contrary to popular notion of finding one person to complete the other, marriage for me is the union of two "complete" individuals knowing what they want and confident of what they can give in the relationship. My reason for hitting the wedding aisle is simple: I have found the person to marry.

How did you know that the person you are marrying is the right one? Does family background get into the picture?

Ariel: I know the person I am marrying is the right one because she points me to God, a source of inspiration to do good. Also because I and she are united in that goal to do good. Family background has a lot to do. Her being part of a complete family shows me that she has an example of making marriages work through good and bad times. Also because she's self-sacrificing to her family.

Kristine: He surpassed my ideals of the person to be with. We are on the same page in terms of faith, values, interests, altruism, intellect and priorities. Family background played little role in my choice.

How did you prepare for this commitment? And we don’t mean just the ceremony and reception; did you take any marriage seminars? How do you imagine your life to be after the wedding?

Ariel: No, I haven't taken any marriage seminars. Outside of the spiritual preparation, which to me is the foundation of an effective marriage, I have accumulated the experience and advise of many people along with my own life experience. No one can ever be completely prepared for marriage since every marriage has its own particularities. But I do take pains to ensure that I have self control, that I'm willing to yield when necessary. I imagine my marriage after the wedding to be as partners working together to form a loving home where we can work together for common goal. I see life in general as a test in preparation for heaven, marriage included. And marriage is also a character polisher. God uses it to bring to light my weaknesses.

Kristine: I prayed and let God weave my love story with the first boyfriend and now soon to be husband. I was just keen on God's next steps. Reading books on relationships and gleaning wisdom from people of experience also helped. I spent my entire single life building a career, pursuing post-grad studies and achieving financial independence. Yet all this bustle with the thought of settling down at one point, IF the right guy comes along. He did and I don't mind lying low from all this to give time for my husband and raise my kids full time. It's a paradigm shift, totally another phase of life!

Have you talked about finances and where to stay (Does it matter where you live and with whom?) And other practical aspects of marriage such as household chores?

Ariel: Yes we have talked about finances, also with whom we'll live. Household chores, she's work in progress in terms of being used to do it regularly, I am already used to doing them. In terms of how they will be shared, it depends on how often we're in the house, and how much work is required. So it is relative.

Kristine: Yes for all practical aspects we could think of: budgeting, abode, household chores, raising kids, respecting marriage bed, striking work-life balance and the like.

Do you believe in “forever?” in sickness and in health…etc. ‘til death do us part? How do you plan to make this happen?

Ariel: Marriage and divorce to me are the analogy of life and death. To me, the word divorce doesn't exist. That being said, I do believe couples have struggles. The one thing that I tested from the beginning is whether or not she has a character that allows her to work in spite of hard moments and is willing to reconcile and work differences. She struggles, but she does it anyway. Commitment is the word, and commitment is only as strong as the character a person has. I plan to make it work by yielding to her wishes, as long as it doesn't lead us to sin.

Kristine: I do. Humility, empathy, initiative and inviting God to be the center of our union are so far my essential ingredients.